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joe817 wrote: ↑Fri Mar 20, 2020 10:40 pm Dang Texas1961! That was a really enjoyable read! I even chuckled a bit! Thanks! I needed that!

Thank you sir... It was fun coming up with the idea..... A little smile in these trying times...

Ok... So I'm no novelist nor do I claim to be witty.... But I had some free time this morning and decided to work on my first tactical defense class syllabus....

Enjoy.. Pan it, put it up for a Razzi..... But I hope at least you get a quick chuckle...

Tactical Defense at a Walmart Grocery pickup lane and stopping power of Charmen 3 ply.

Price: $95.00 (or 500 rounds of 9mm ammunition)

Class Highlights

SITUATIONAL AWARENESS - We will discuss identifying potential threat. Discussion will include…
Watching for those walking with a distinct sore butt issue… We would identify that person as one who ran out of toilet paper and mistakenly used leaves covered in poison ivy.
Wringing hands…. A solid indicator that they ran out of antibacterial lotion and used lighter fluid which burned their hands.
Walking in a crouched manner…. The K rations that were stored in the attic were not consumable but they ate them anyway.

NEGOTATION - Is your life really worth that box of Captain Crunch ?

It’s recommended to always have a 6 pack of power bars and a small case of water ready. If you can, offer both as quick negotiation tool to help calm down the situation.. At worst, you can roll the bottles across the parking lot in the hope that the bad guy will turn and try to chase them down which should give you time to finish signing your name to the Walmart iPhone app to verify your old enough to purchase all of that wine you bought.

PROACTIVE DEFENSE -

While we have identified multiple possible defensive scenarios here. We felt that we should only concentrate on those few that would be most effective in this situation.

Immediately hold up a 12 pack of Charmen 3 ply using your weak hand. We recommend that you hold it out away from your body at least 1 foot… This should give you at least a 10 second lead time to draw your weapon while the bad guy stares and drools over the offering.
Shouting as loud as you can… I AM INFECTED. Again this tactic is good for stunning the bad guy for approximately 10 seconds which should give ample time to draw your self defense weapon.


The above points and many others will be discussed in the class. It is recommend that you bring paper, pen, face mask and sneeze guards… Extra points will be given to those who bring extra latex gloves…..

03Lightningrocks wrote: ↑Thu Mar 19, 2020 5:15 pm

Tex1961 wrote: ↑Thu Mar 19, 2020 4:35 pm IMG_3933.jpeg

I just want to know where you found hand sanitizer. I can't find it anywhere!

That’s been in my medicine closet for a while

@vol texan .... Good one..