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The Annoyed Man wrote:Just being vulnerable and honest here, and trying mightily to stay within the board rules.......

At my old church back in California, I was once engaged in a conversation on a nice sunny day with one of the elder "saints" of the church. I don't even remember what we were talking about, but I was in my 40s at the time and this guy was in his 80s, and he was one of those old guys that a guy like me thinks, "If I can turn out like this guy when I'm his age, I'll know I've been doing some things right." Anyway, we were standing there talking, outside in front of the worship center on a beautifully perfect sunny southern California morning, and a teenaged girl walks by. Now, I'm talking, "barely" teenaged, because she was about 16 going on 25, and may Tijuana donkeys eat me alive for lying if I say that she was anything less that a California "10." I mean, she was FINE...........and her parents had let her go to church without enough fabric covering her skin, and that fabric which was present was too tight.

Now, I'm a red-blooded guy, and so is the old man I'm talking to. We both literally stopped in mid-sentence and swiveled our heads as she walked by us. I finally tore my gaze away, looked at my companion, and I was really embarrassed that I had caught myself so obviously checking out this girl's "goodies." The only saving grace for me was that this old guy had been caught in exactly the same thing. We locked eyes and I asked him, "does it ever get any easier?" He said, "no, it doesn't. I may be 85 on the outside, but in here [he taps his fist on over his heart], I'm still 18." We were both a little ashamed of ourselves, because this girl may have been a "woman" on the outside, but in her heart, she was still just a kid. I knew her from my work with the high school ministry, and for both myself and the older guy, it was a momentary weakness to think of a child in that way.

Fast forward to today........ My son got married just 3 weeks ago. He's 23, and their circle of friends were all people in their 20s. All of their friends were appropriately dressed for a wedding. My niece flew in from California to attend. She's a pretty 20 year old with an attractive figure, and the dress she wore to the wedding had evidently been airbrushed on and was SO short that she could not bend forward at the waist without being indecent. She later confessed to my wife that she wished she had worn something else because she had realized after arriving at the venue that, not only was she wildly inappropriately dressed for the occasion, but she also felt like, because of it, she didn't have the freedom to cut loose and enjoy herself—dance, laugh it up, whatever—because she was constantly having to tug at the rear hem of her dress to make sure she wasn't uncovered back there. I actually felt bad for her.

My niece's choice of clothing was the direct result of her desire to be "adult," and having a distorted idea of what "adult" means.......partly because her life is immersed in California culture which is accurately described by JALLEN; and partly because the culture at large has sexualized our children. As a culture, we have taught our kids that "adult" means "sexual," but that is only a small part of being adult. Being an adult involves a huge scope of behaviors, decision-making, and responsibilities. Sexuality is only a tiny part of it. My brother, her father, is not at all a religious person like I am, and he had a much more laissez-faire attitude about his kids' moral compass than I had about my son's. The good news is that she's a smart girl, and I think she'll remember the lesson learned. I doubt she'll wear that dress again.....and nobody said a thing to her. She arrived at the conclusion on her own.

Gender politics aside, it is undeniable that about 98% of us are made with a powerful drive to attract or be attracted by the opposite sex. People can exploit that or not, as is they are guided by their internal compass, but the indisputable fact is that this attraction is purely sexual. A woman's curves do NOT make me wonder if she is a great conversationalist, although the manner in which they are displayed may make me wonder if she has any particular religious convictions or moral standards. So what it boils down to is this.....and this applies to ALL of us: Guys, if you don't want me to think you're a nelly queen, don't dress and act like one. Girls, if you don't want me to think that you're a "working girl," don't dress and act like one. Conversely, if y'all WANT me to think of you that way, then by all means dress and act the part. It's your world, and I'm just a squirrel trying to get by in it. If you are a Christian girl who really does believe the tenets of the faith, then have a little mercy on your brothers in Christ and don't do that to us. You've been given power. Use it wisely. HELP me to have a right mind about who and what you are.

Carry on.