It's certainly a waste of time to argue with shot placement being higher on the priority list than caliber. After all, which would you rather have happen in a gun fight:
A) Your 44 mag bullets (6 of them) pass within 1/10 inch of the BG's head.
B) Your 38spl round (only one) passes through the BG neck and takes out both the airway and the spine
I know which one I would opt for! But do you want to bet your life on being that accurate with your "shot placement".
Your problem is you need an incapacitating shot that does it's job immediately, waiting 10 sec or more for the BG to bleed out is not a good idea. It should be kept in mind that without the psychological incapacitation, which is at best unreliable, physical incapacitation pretty much requires taking out the Central Nervous System (CNS). Heart shots are nice, but a determined foe can still operate long enough to empty their magazine into you before the brain runs dry...or stick you with that knife...or finish the swing with that bat...you get the idea.
As the OP alluded to, pistols are essentially unreliable in stopping humans. We can all find stories about the 230 lbs perp taken down by a 22. On the other side, we can find where hits by 40's, 45's, and 9's have apparently unfazed the 130lbs crack head, so none of them is a "death ray", or to be politically correct, a "Incapacitation Ray"
But shot placement where you hit the CNS, under stress, is difficult for most people. Of course there are the folks that
never miss a head shot, but evaluate
your skills in a realistic light before you depend on it. Can you do it in a low light situation? What about one handed? What about after the perp has knocked you to the ground? What if he's running towards you with a knife or gun in his hand? Moving targets certainly complicate hitting the CNS.
Can you hit the CNS while
you are moving? If he has a gun he could very well be shooting at you, and if you're standing still you make a better target.
Get a friend who has an airsoft pistol and try it for yourself. You may be surprised how many times your "style" allows you to get shot. Remember, your goal is probably to survive the encounter. Getting shot can put a serious damper on that plan
Go for the hardest hitting round you can effectively control (notice I didn't say largest caliber), assume you may need multiple shots to stop your attacker (and mag capacity comes into play here since you may not have time to reload), and get in as much realistic practice as possible.