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EMarquez: My wife and I have a similar approach to finances. We will celebrate our 48th anniversary in August and the system has worked well for us over the years.

We have checkbooks that are her's, mine, and ours. We both have access to all accounts. The "Ours" account is for daily living expenses. The "Her's" and "Mine" are for individual discretionary spending. We would never think of questioning how the other spends their discretionary money.

For new husbands: I think it is very important that wives have access to money that is "their" money. It is demeaning for a wife to have to "beg" for discretionary money from her husband. Even if it is a small amount, some discretionary spending money should be budgeted for both the husband and the wife. When we both worked, my salary money went into the "Ours" account and her salary money went into the "Hers" account. I did frequent outside jobs and those extra funds went into the "Mine" account.

To the Op:
For a marriage to work, each partner must care more for the welfare of the partner than they do for themselves. In this particular situation, I think you wisely dodged a bullet.